methlabrador: what if someone tried to rob a nightclub and he ran in and screamed “everyone put your hands up” and everyone was like “yeah dude” and kept dancing
Oh, magic conch will i ever be a quality blog
cosmo-kramer-the-assman: vincent van gogh fuck yourself
Tumblr: Here, have some kittens...
Tumblr: Delicious food? There.
Tumblr: I bring you some beautiful, insipiring art...
Parents/Roommate: *walks into the room*
Tumblr: YOU SAID PORN?
Tumblr: DID I HEAR DICKS?
Tumblr: WHAT WAS THAT DID YOU MENTION HARDCORE GAY SEX?
Computer: HERE LET ME FREEZE
Computer: NOPE, NO SWITCHING TABS
raidenski: avatarstateyipyip: pizzaforpresident: So in one week we’ve got three cannibal cases in Florida, a man spitting blood all over a highway patrol officer, another man disemboweling himself and then throwing his intestines at two police officers, and a woman beheading her infant and eating it’s brain……. Seriously guys. Quit snorting bath salt.
lifestudentintraining: chekhov: Every musical should have one minor character who is aware that everyone is singing and dancing and extremely confused and terrified HAHA OMG THIS
Can you imagine if you went to the doctors and you...
“I CAN’T TELL YOU WHAT IT REALLY IS, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. AND RIGHT NOW IT FEELS LIKE THERE’S A STEEL KNIFE IN MY WINDPIPE.”
pigeonsatan: orbitars: how to summon pigeon satan: draw pentagram sprinkle bread crumbs over pentagram ＦＯＯＬＩＳＨ ＭＯＲＴＡＬ ＤＯ ＹＯＵ ＲＥＡＬＬＹ ＴＨＩＮＫ… ＩＳ ＴＨＡＴ ＢＲＥＡＤ
Friend: you only like ______ because of his looks.
Me: yeah, that's why I bought his album, to listen to his face.
ponytail-andaprettysmile: rubywhiterabbit: My little brother got into outer space and stuff so my step-mom bought him a place mat with all the planets on it. When I first saw it, I was upset, because it was newer and so Pluto wasn’t labeled. I was about to say something when I noticed something… Pluto is there. The artist remembered Pluto. Guys… The artist drew Pluto crying. ...
puckermanfabray: lets play “which download link is the real one”
moritzsstiefel: my mom just came into my room and noticed my desktop background and said “oh that’s so cute i think i recognize it from somewhere did you draw that when you were younger?” mom
Reblog if you have a dirty mind. →
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